Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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