please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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