So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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