to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
