my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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