Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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