She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
