Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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