help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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