i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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