Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
