I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
