The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
