Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
