She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
