Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
