Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
