Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
