If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
