its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
