Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
