Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i think my cat just said my name.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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