Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize