I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
