You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize