Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
