I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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