my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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