If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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