when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
