OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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