That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
