You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I could fuck to npr.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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