maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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