just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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