Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
