I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
