I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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