Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
