Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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