Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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