Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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