you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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