New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
