Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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