I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
