I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
