Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
