can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
