What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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