i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
