Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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