u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
