taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
