Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
