***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
