Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
