well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the day after is always just damage control
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
