it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
