So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
