i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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