It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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