I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
