she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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