Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh god it's open bar.
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