i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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