There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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