i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
