dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize