i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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