I accidentally burped into my bong.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
