I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
