Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
