Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
