well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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