$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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