it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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