you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
