the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You left your phone here
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