And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
