I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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