Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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