I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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