I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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