i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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