If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
