I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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