That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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