I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
