So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Bring me that man meat
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
