you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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