i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
