at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
