we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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