I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
