also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
