She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
