In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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