So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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