eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
