Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
