Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
