I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
